


Slow Motion Double Vision in a Rose Blush

by nothingwithoutyouxo



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: (probably as much as these two can get), F/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29371371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingwithoutyouxo/pseuds/nothingwithoutyouxo
Summary: “I want to see you,” she said, and surprised herself. She hadn’t expected to say it out loud, but it sure as hell sounded a lot like the time Benny had told her he missed her.Benny was quiet on the other end of the line for a moment. “Come to New York.”(i.e. Beth knows exactly where she needs to go after Moscow, she just needs Benny toask.)
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112





	Slow Motion Double Vision in a Rose Blush

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm pretty sure everyone and their dog has already written their own version of what happens with these two after Moscow, but I'm adding this to the pile. I watched the show, read the book and then watched the show again so now I'm here. Much love to you all! 
> 
> Title is from gold rush by Taylor Swift because it makes me think of them.

After Townes mentioned that he’d called Benny and told him about her win, part of Beth believed that could be the end of it. She didn’t need to call him, but how else would she thank him for his help? As much as her mother - not Alma, her birth mother - had tried to instill in her that a strong person was one who stood alone, Beth had always been stronger when she had someone to stand with. Whether that was Jolene or even Mr. Shaibel back at Methuen, or Mrs. Wheatley who’d committed herself so entirely to becoming a good mother, or Harry in Lexington, or Benny. 

The more Beth thought about it, the more people she had to add to the list. Matt and Mike, who she only saw every few months but were always ready with a bright smile, or a card game in Mexico City. Wexler and Levertov who’d she’d barely even spoken to and had completely destroyed at chess but _still_ helped her with her game against Borgov. Townes who somehow showed up wherever she least expected him to. Even Cleo who’d spent that night in Paris with her. 

It was overwhelming for Beth. She’d often relied on her mother’s words, on her actions, using it to fuel her own addictions. The surety of her mother’s voice in her now-hazy memory when she told her that she needed to learn to be alone fuelled her darkest moments, her deepest breakdowns. Chess had always been her domain, her way of controlling the world around her. Of controlling herself. Everything within those 64 squares was up to her. Whether she was attacking or defending that was all her, no one else. At least, that’s what she used to think. 

She thought about Benny lounging back in his apartment and ranting about how the Soviets were such good players because they worked as a team. Her mind often circled back to Benny, and before long she was thinking about how he was a part of her team. A crucial part, if she let her mind wander enough to think about Benny gathering the rest of her friends in his apartment to work on her game against Borgov. The thought gave her comfort in an odd way, and also stabbed at her, as if it were the knife that Benny had strapped to his hip during tournaments. 

Beth knew that she had to call him. As much as she just wanted to hear his voice - and she often hated that the thought even crossed her mind with its simplicity - it was more than that. She _needed_ to thank him, especially after she’d hung him out to dry for six months. She thought about just sending a note, maybe sending him and the others a bottle of something (Russian Vodka maybe), but she knew that wouldn’t be enough. In fact, it might make Benny furious with her, and she didn’t want that to happen. Not again. 

***

The day of her flight back was fast approaching. Beth, not wanting to overstay her welcome - and maybe as an emergency safety blanket if she were to lose again - had only left herself a few days in Moscow before she’d return home. Home, in this case meant Lexington, but as much as that had made sense when Jolene had helped her book her tickets, it made less sense now. 

Beth kept thinking about New York. About the bright lights, and the too loud noises that would filter into a certain basement apartment from small windows. About the busy streets, with their intense traffic and flooded footpaths. And Benny. Beth made the mistake of mentioning this over the phone to Jolene, who quickly chastised her and demanded that Beth finally make that call. The worst part was knowing that Jolene was right, and yet it still took her another day to build up the courage to do so. 

As she stared down at the phone in her hotel room, Beth felt like her heart was in her throat in a way that she wasn’t used to. This was different to how it was when she lost a game, like it had been in Paris when she’d lost her edge and watched as if even the pieces managed to steer clear of her grasp. Or Mexico City where she felt like she’d lost everything. Hell, this wasn’t even like Vegas when she’d been too distracted by Benny’s pawns. 

Benny. 

_Fuck_. 

Beth reached for the receiver, snatching it up and barely registering as she went through the motions of getting the call connected. She waited with baited breath as the phone rang.

“Hello?” 

Benny sounded exhausted and as the thought passed through her brain, Beth realised that she hadn’t even checked the time difference. She’d been too busy trying to psych herself up to make the call. 

“Did I wake you?” she asked. 

“Beth?”

How he said her name made her feel vulnerable in a way that no one else could, and Beth hated it. Hated that she could feel that way with anyone who wasn’t Jolene. She didn’t know when she’d let this happen, when the concept of having _feelings_ for Benny became apparent to her, but she guessed that it was on the flight to Moscow. When all she could think about was how much she wanted Benny to be there with her. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” she muttered, and winced at how stupid it sounded. 

Benny paused and Beth knew that he had no idea what to say to her. 

She didn’t really either. “I wanted to thank you,” she forced out, because that was still her priority. “For helping with the game.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “You’re welcome.”

Beth had half expected him to comment on the game itself, like he had when he’d found a flaw in her game against Harry. The more she’d thought about it, the more she’d noticed that Benny used chess as a wall. As distant as he had been with her in New York, and as furious as it had made her, she was starting to understand it now. Benny might be just as scared as she was. 

“I want to see you,” she said, and surprised herself. She hadn’t expected to say it out loud, but it sure as hell sounded a lot like the time Benny had told her he missed her. Beth winced at the memory, and how she’d brushed him off. Maybe, after everything, Benny deserved to hear the truth. 

Benny was quiet on the other end of the line, and just as Beth was wondering if he’d walked away from the receiver, his voice reached her ear. “Come to New York.” 

It wasn’t quite a question, but Beth could hear the uncertainty in his voice. After all the times he asked her when she was in Kentucky - or worse, the times where she told him she just needed a few more weeks - Beth couldn’t blame him. Still, part of her wanted to hear him say ‘please,’ she needed to know that he was as sure as she was. That he wanted this just as much as she couldn’t say. 

“My return flight is already booked to Lexington,” she said without thinking.

Benny didn’t say anything in response, but gave a soft sigh that broke her, as if he knew she’d pull something like this. As if he regretted mentioning New York already. 

“I could call reception,” she muttered, already rushing to fix this, to show him it wasn’t a mistake, ”and ask if my flight could be changed.” 

“You’d do that?” He sounded surprised, and it hurt. 

“The only person I have left there is Jolene and she’ll be busy with work and saving up for law school and I could - I could come to New York first.” Beth’s resolve faltered on her last few words, giving away just how much she wanted this. “I do want to see you, Benny. I should thank you for helping. In person.” 

He paused again, and Beth started to panic in the silence. His _I miss you_ passed through her mind once again and she wondered if this was how he felt then. Was this how he felt when he told her to stop calling?

“I can call you when it’s all sorted,” she continued, knowing that she sounded a little desperate at this point. 

“Good because that last phone call broke my bank account.” 

Beth laughed, despite herself. 

“Do you know how much poker I’m going to have to play to pay that off?”

“I thought you liked poker?” she teased, relieved that they were falling back into their usual banter.

“I think it was worth it,” he softened again. 

On the table next to the phone was the write up of her game against Borgov. Her _win_ against Borgov. It had stayed there since Townes had dropped it off the morning after her win the day before. There was no way she could have done that without the boys’ help. Without Benny. 

“It was,” she said. 

***

  
  


Maybe it was because of her victory, but when Beth spoke to reception they told her they would re-organise her flight for her. Which meant that all she had left to do was call Benny and tell him that soon enough she’d be in New York again. She wondered if he could sense just how excited she was while they were on the phone. Beth thought that she could feel it from him too. 

***

Saying Goodbye to Moscow was harder than Beth thought it would be. In her few days between the competition and her flight she’d spent every morning down at the park, playing chess against the men just for the love of it. It helped her with her Russian, which she was steadily getting more confident in speaking, and she managed to hold entire conversations with whichever of the men she was playing with. 

The result was that she’d become attached to the city in a way she hadn’t when she’d played anywhere else. Beth had never been touristy in the way that Mrs. Wheatley was, especially in Mexico City. No, she’d always spent most of her time in her room or hotel analysing games and preparing for her matches. Moscow was different. Even in the freezing cold weather, Beth felt comfortable. It hurt her to get on her plane and watch the city disappear behind the clouds. 

To distract herself, she thought about Benny. About what he’d say if he were with her, even if it was just about chess. About her win. She wondered what he had to say about Moscow itself. Benny hadn’t really talked about what it was like when he played in the Invitational. Beth couldn’t imagine that Weiss was a very good second either. Maybe she’d ask him about it when she got back to New York. 

***

Benny had told her that he would meet her at the airport, and Beth was a ball of nerves as she gingerly made her way across the tarmac and into the terminal. Her mind was racing, starting to worry over what he would say to her, and what he would do when he saw her. What _she_ would do when she saw him. She kept her eyes on the floor, not breaking her stride and tried to push the thoughts away. 

“Beth!” 

Beth’s head snapped up in confusion, because that wasn’t Benny’s voice, and then she found herself surrounded by her friends. Matt and Mike threw their arms around her in unison, yelling over each other so effectively that she couldn’t make out what either of them were saying. She laughed and hugged them back. Harry was there too, saying that he’d skipped a few days of classes in order to see her and sounding incredibly anxious about it. She pulled him into a hug just the same. Wexler and Levertov gave her pats on the back and mentioned that Cleo sent her regards. She smiled brightly at them both as she joked that surely Cleo would have left them by now. 

Then Benny was in front of her and everything seemed to stop. He looked the same, if a little tired under his cowboy hat. Beth couldn’t hug him like she had the others, it was too casual and she didn’t trust her hands. Instead she just looked at him, and he at her. 

“Beth,” he acknowledged with a nod. His eyes were bright, and he was smiling. 

“Benny,” she replied, already sounding breathless. 

Mike started talking, something about heading back over to Benny’s for drinks - or, not for drinks, Harry added quickly - and Beth was nodding in response but she couldn’t take her eyes off Benny. She wasn’t sure if she was begging him to make a move at this point, but it was his turn now. He’d made that phone call, but then she’d come back to New York. It was his move. 

Benny tore his eyes away from her, replying to the other boys, but Beth couldn’t quite hear him. Then he had a hand on her shoulder, the way he had in his apartment when she’d found a move that Fine missed. Warmth spread all the way through her at the contact and she felt all the panic she’d been holding in, the worry about how he would react, start to fizzle out.

***

As they headed down the stairs to Benny’s apartment, Harry pulled a newspaper out from inside his coat and handed it to her. It was a copy of the _Lexington Herald_ with her face on the front page above the fold, the photo that she’d posed for before getting into the car after her win. Beth smiled fondly down at it, remembering how she felt in that moment. She couldn’t help but think that the photo was better than the cover of _Life_. 

“It’s a great article,” Harry said. 

She glanced up at him, still smiling. “I’ll have to give it a read.” 

Once they were all settled inside, Matt and Mike demanded a play by play of her win. Beth was sure that they’d all read the write up, but she laughed and let Benny set up the pieces on one of his chess boards for her. Reliving the game with her friends around her breathed new life into it, and Beth couldn’t fight off the happiness that settled within her. 

***

Harry left first, citing that he needed to get some rest before driving back to Lexington for his classes. He told her he’d check on the house for her, depending how long she’d be in New York. Beth had no idea how long that was, and there was a smugness in him that she hadn’t seen since they’d first played chess together, all those years ago. She just laughed and shoved at him a little before offering him another hug. 

The others slowly filtered out after that as well, some giving reasons, some not. Soon enough, it was just Benny and Beth, and she was suddenly nervous again. Benny hadn’t mentioned letting her stay, and she hadn’t asked. As much as Beth didn’t want to assume, she knew that Benny would have said something by now if he didn’t want her there for the night. 

“Well, look at that,” she remarked. “I’m still sober as a judge.” 

“Yeah?” Benny met her eyes. 

Beth nodded. “Since before Moscow,” she confirmed. “I promise.”

There was a glint in his eyes that she thought might have been pride and something swelled in Beth’s chest in response. 

Part of her wanted to tell him everything. That she was off the pills too, but she didn’t think Benny knew she’d been on them in the first place. Her alcoholism was enough to deal with, and he knew about that. Beth didn’t want to give him something else to worry over. She was fine. She’d be fine. 

Plus, there was a larger, somewhat stronger part of her that just wanted his hands on her. There was too much space between them. Him, still by the door after letting the others out, and her closer to the table that they’d spent so much time around over six months ago now. 

“Benny -” she muttered, at the same time he went to say her name as well. 

“Beth -”

They both paused again, as if waiting for the other to speak.

“I’m sober too,” he said after a moment. There was something in his tone, like that could change things. Beth had no idea what to do with that. 

“Are you going to hover in your doorway all night?” she teased, and he laughed, running a hand over the back of his neck. 

He took the few steps down from the doorway. “Guess not.” 

There was still too much distance between them, and Beth didn’t know how to cross it. Not like this. She was so damn aware of him, of his presence, of exactly where he was in the room, and how many steps it would take her to reach him. Or him to reach her. Her senses were lit up like she was sending feelers out towards him, trying to breach the gap. It was almost overwhelming. 

Beth considered her position. Somehow, she’d managed to forget the sequence of events, which had never happened to her before. Benny always threw off her strategy, her plan and left her trying to desperately think on the spot. Was it still his move? 

Benny looked a little tired, the day starting to catch up to him. She was still jet-lagged from the flight, but she was aching to be closer to him, needy in a way that absolutely terrified her. 

“So do you like being back in New York?” he asked. 

The question was so casual in the heavy weight of the room that Beth couldn’t help but laugh. They were really awful at this vulnerability stuff, weren’t they? 

Before she could think about what she was doing, Beth crossed the room towards him and pulled him into a searing kiss, just like she’d been thinking about doing near constantly since he met her at the airport. . 

Benny pulled away, but there was something different in the way he was looking at her now. She couldn’t help but think about their eight weeks in this apartment together, and how she’d spent so much time desperately wishing for more from him. That was exactly what he was giving her now. Benny seemed more unguarded than she’d ever seen him. 

“I missed you,” she muttered, with her hands still looped around his neck. She needed him to hear it from her now, in this apartment, and in those exact words. 

“Beth,” he said, his voice low and rough, eyes boring into hers. Even with all her years at Methuen, Beth had always felt so removed from religion, but now she couldn’t help but think that Benny had said her name like a prayer. 

Before she could fully process the thought or what it meant, Benny’s lips were on hers again, this time more tender, but just as demanding, just as needy. She swore she could feel his _I miss you_ in the kiss, the softness that he usually strayed away from by bringing up chess. His hands were steady on her back, but she needed much more than that. Beth needed him to touch her, just as delicately as she’d seen him handle chess pieces as far back as Vegas and Cincinnati. She tugged him gently, trying to lead him towards the bedroom without breaking the kiss, trying to communicate without words. 

Benny pulled away again. “Beth,” he said again, and she wondered if that was all he could say at this point. Even so, there was an uncertainty to his voice that she hadn’t heard before, like he _did_ have more to say but couldn’t find the words. Somehow, Beth had managed to make Benny Watts speechless! The thought made her want to laugh. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, but that didn’t seem to be quite what he wanted to say. She was reminded again that he was just as scared as she was. That this was new ground for them, even though she’d spent weeks sharing his bed. This was _different_. 

She looked at him, pushing a strand of his hair, that was already tousled by her fingers, out of his eyes. The action felt intimate somehow, even though she thought she’d done that before too. His question had layers to it, Benny wasn’t just asking if she wanted to sleep with him, that much she knew. 

“Yes,” she answered, and watched the relief flood his eyes. “I’m sure, Benny.” 

***

The next morning they fell back into their routine like she’d never left New York in the first place. Benny offered her a plastic cup filled with coffee when she got up, and she asked if she could use his phone to call Jolene. Beth knew that she should have called her friend as soon as she’d landed, even just to let her know that she’d gotten in safe, but Beth had gotten so caught up in everyone else being there, and then later in Benny, that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. 

“It’s Beth,” she greeted once Jolene had picked up. 

“Shit, when you didn’t call me I knew you were busy. How was the sex?”

“Jolene!” Beth saw Benny glanced up from the _Lexington Herald_ that Harry had given to her the night before. He raised an eyebrow at her, but she shook her head, trying to ignore the blush that was rising in her cheeks. Benny smirked at her before looking back down at the article.

Jolene was laughing on the other end of the phone. 

“I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to bring this back.

“You with him now?” 

Her eyes flicked to Benny again. “Yes.”

“How long you staying?” 

It wasn’t something that had come up, and frankly she didn’t know what would happen when it did. She had to go back to Lexington eventually, but she also needed some time here. “Not sure,” she muttered, “But I definitely have the money I owe you and you can have the black _and_ the purple dress if you want.” 

She laughed again. “Damn, he must have been good to you.” 

Beth rolled her eyes, fighting off chastising her again. “Shut up,” she said instead. 

“That’s not a no, but if you’re with him I get it. We can talk about this later.” 

“I don’t think we’re going to do that,” she mused. 

“Sure, Cracker. When you decide to come back you let me know, yeah?” 

“Of course,” she answered. 

“And congratulations on your big win.” 

She could hear the smile in Jolene’s voice, and it forced Beth to smile too. “Thanks,” she said. 

“I’ll see you.” 

“Bye, Jolene.” 

Beth hung up the phone and then stared down at it for a moment. She felt near giddy with the happiness flooding her system, so much so that it almost confused her. It wasn’t something she was used to feeling. Not like this, at least. Entirely sober like she had been the last time she was in this apartment, and surely not this _much_ all at once. If she focused on it for too long, on how foreign it felt to her, she’d lose herself in it. 

“Everything ok?” Benny asked.

She glanced up at him, noting the hint of worry in his expression. Beth offered him a smile and that seemed to help. There was still a bundle of nerves knotted in her stomach, but it wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as before. Beth nodded, stood up and crossed the room towards him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her chin against his shoulder as if to read the article. 

This was new too, she didn’t think she’d be someone who initiated something as _affectionate_ as this, but maybe Benny brought that out of her as well. Even when they were training together she knew she was fond of him. Beth just hadn’t realised how much. 

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m ok.”

**Author's Note:**

> These two are so littered with Issues and I know it's not going to be all rosy for them, but I wanted to give them a little minute to breathe. I also haven't written a m/f couple in *checks watch* four years so this was something kind of different.
> 
> I'm over at [stranger-awakening](https://stranger-awakening.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if anyone wants to chat :) Comments and kudos are appreciated !!!


End file.
